Heart like a Wheel
by spacemonkey26
Summary: Songfic.Stellacenteric.My take on some of the stuff with Frankie and more recent developments.Implied StellaMac, StellaHawkes friendship.Chapter 2 is just a rewrite of the story.I didn't like the way the original story flowed so I redid it.
1. Chapter 1

**Heart Like a Wheel**

A/N: The song is Heart Like a Wheel by The Corrs. I was listening to this song while driving and it struck me personally. Oddly this was not my first time hearing the song… I love The Corrs and its one of my favorite songs, but it was the first time it stuck me that way. Then I was thinking… hey this could work as Stella fic.

Spoilers: Season 2 Stella and Frankie stuff… Season 3 Heart of Glass…

Summary: My take on some of the stuff with Frankie and more recent developments. Slightly Implied Stella/Mac, Stella/Hawkes friendship

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI NY or the song. I just borrowed them for a short time.

_Some say the heart is just like a wheel  
When you bend it you can't mend it  
And my love for you is like a sinking ship  
My heart is on that ship out in mid-ocean  
_

Why did it always seem to happen to her? She knew this was not true but it sure felt like it. Every time she thought she was falling in love some big and stupid had to rear its head.

_They say that death is a tragedy  
It comes once and then it's over  
But my one only wish is for that deep dark abyss  
For what's the use of living with no true lover_

She'd killed Frankie; up until his Aresanob sculpture and the discovery of the website she had actually thought he could be the one. After she'd found it she'd broken it off. But Frankie wouldn't have that. She knew that her killing Frankie had been justified; he would have killed her had she not killed him first. She was sure she'd never love again and that almost made her life feel pointless.

_And it's only love and it's only love  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out_

After everything with Frankie she was so hurt. She wanted someone's shoulder to cry on. But she didn't know who to go to. Mac? No she was his strength during those hard times not the other way around. Flack? Again no, he'd done so much while she was in the hospital, she couldn't call on him again. Danny? Nope, that would just be awkward and she didn't need that. Lindsay? No she'd heard how Lindsay had reacted just knowing about it, knowing that would only make her feel worse. So she ended up alone dealing with her problems. She'd done this all her life and really wasn't phased to much by having to do it again.

_When harm is done no love can be won  
I know it happens frequently  
What I can't understand _

_Please God hold my hand  
Is why it should have happened to me_

She still didn't understand why everything seemed to happen to her more than to her other friends. First everything with Frankie, now she had to worry about possibly being HIV positive. What had made her life go so wrong? She was starting to long for the old days when she could be care free. No one would be able to love her with all her emotional baggage. But she didn't really care. The only person she thought she could love had someone else and he looked genuinely happy and it had been a long time since she'd seen him happy.

_And it's only love and it's only love  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out  
_

She was starting to break. She didn't want to break. She knew she had to find some help. She needed someone to talk to, who could understand her but not pity her. She thought to herself, 'What about Hawkes?' She didn't want to go outside her circle of friends. She knew she needed to see a professional. Hawkes was a doctor just not the right kind. But they were pretty close and she knew she could trust him.

_Some say the heart is just like a wheel  
When you bend it you can't mend it  
And my love for you is like a sinking ship  
My heart is on that ship out on mid-ocean  
And it's only love and it's only love  
And it's only love it is only love  
And it's only love it is only love  
And it's only love it is only love_

She'd asked Hawkes if they could talk one night. He'd agreed instantly. She felt as though she needed to tell him that she needed to talk about some pretty heavy stuff. He just gave her a small smile in understanding. She could only thank him.

A/N2: This was my first song fic and I personally don't think it's that good. But I really wanted to write it and get some kind of feedback on it. So please review. I'd really like some constructive criticism.


	2. Rewrite

**Heart Like a Wheel**

A/N: The song is Heart Like a Wheel by The Corrs. I was listening to this song while driving and it struck me personally. Oddly this was not my first time hearing the song… I love The Corrs and its one of my favorite songs, but it was the first time it stuck me that way. Then I was thinking… hey this could work as Stella fic.

Spoilers: Season 2 Stella and Frankie stuff… Season 3 Heart of Glass…

Summary: My take on some of the stuff with Frankie and more recent developments. Slightly Implied Stella/Mac, Stella/Hawkes friendship

Disclaimer: I don't own CSI NY or the song. I just borrowed them for a short time.

_Some say the heart is just like a wheel  
When you bend it you can't mend it  
And my love for you is like a sinking ship  
My heart is on that ship out in mid-ocean_

Stella sat thinking about her life over the past year or so. So much had changed for the better but a lot had happened that was bad. First Frankie and everything that goes with the mention of his name, now dealing with the possibility of being HIV positive, it was getting to be too much to handle.

_They say that death is a tragedy  
It comes once and then it's over  
But my one only wish is for that deep dark abyss  
For what's the use of living with no true lover_

She had killed Frankie; it still scared her that she had been able to take a life that easily. But what was she supposed to do. If she hadn't killed him, she would be the one dead. Everything was going so well with him, until the Aresanob sculpture, she was extremely happy she decided to search for it. It told her just how much of a jerk Frankie really was. She broke it off with him, but he wouldn't take no for an answer. She never thought that he could or would get into her apartment, that was where she was always safe, and she did that on purpose. She would be much more careful now. She sometimes wondered if she could ever love anyone again.

_And it's only love and it's only love  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out_

After everything with Frankie she was so hurt. She wanted someone's shoulder to cry on. But she didn't know who to go to, Mac? No she was his strength during those hard times not the other way around. Flack? Again no, he'd done so much while she was in the hospital, she couldn't call on him again. Danny? Nope, that would just be awkward and she didn't need that. Lindsay? No she'd heard how Lindsay had reacted just knowing about it, knowing that would only make her feel worse. So she ended up alone dealing with her problems. She'd done this all her life and really wasn't fazed too much by having to do it again

_When harm is done no love can be won  
I know it happens frequently  
What I can't understand_

_Please God hold my hand  
Is why it should have happened to me_

Stella still thought her life was somewhat cursed. Growing up mostly on her own, a few scattered friendships throughout her childhood, but nothing solid. No boyfriends really turning into lovers, now the possibility of being HIV positive. What was life going to throw at her next? Whatever it was, she probably wouldn't be able to handle it, unless she could come up with somebody to talk to. But who could she go to?

_And it's only love and it's only love  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out  
That can break a human being  
and turn him inside out_

She was definitely coming close to her breaking point. She knew she needed someone to talk to, to confide in, someone who could understand her, but not pity her. _'What about Hawkes?'_ she thought. She didn't want to go outside her main friends. He'd been there through all of it. Why not at least ask him? She needed to see a professional, even though he wasn't in that profession, she trusted him to listen and maybe give some advice.

_Some say the heart is just like a wheel  
When you bend it you can't mend it  
And my love for you is like a sinking ship  
My heart is on that ship out on mid-ocean  
And it's only love and it's only love  
And it's only love it is only love  
And it's only love it is only love  
And it's only love it is only love_

So she asked Hawkes if they could talk one night. He'd agreed without question. But she felt she should warn him that it wouldn't be a very fun and uplifting conversation. Hawkes just gave a small smile of understanding. She could only thank him.

A/N2: I've rewritten this one. I really didn't lie how the other one flowed. I think this one is a bit smoother. Please leave some feedback. Constructive criticism is always appreciated. I also decided to post this as a second chapter so people could compare version one and two. Please tell me which one you like more.


End file.
